30 days of kink: Day 22

What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

I think communication is the most important part of any relationship.  I learned about communication while exploring submission but the lessons are no less valuable outside of the kink world.

In my first relationship, I was “vanilla” or at least I was trying very hard to be.  I spent 3 years with a wonderful guy.  He was extremely kind and caring.  He would have done anything for me.  Sadly, I wasn’t in love with him and I didn’t know how to say that I needed something else.  Instead, I stayed.  It was easier to stay.  After cheating, I finally found the nerve to end things.

It had started with tiny little lies about sex and needs and had become a relationship where we didn’t know each other. Lying was the norm.  That relationship was followed by the love that comes from complete honesty and another 3 year venture into lies.

I won’t go back.

Communication is the key to my happiness and I will not be a part of a relationship that forces me to hide who I am.

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