What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?
I think communication is the most important part of any relationship. I learned about communication while exploring submission but the lessons are no less valuable outside of the kink world.
In my first relationship, I was “vanilla” or at least I was trying very hard to be. I spent 3 years with a wonderful guy. He was extremely kind and caring. He would have done anything for me. Sadly, I wasn’t in love with him and I didn’t know how to say that I needed something else. Instead, I stayed. It was easier to stay. After cheating, I finally found the nerve to end things.
It had started with tiny little lies about sex and needs and had become a relationship where we didn’t know each other. Lying was the norm. That relationship was followed by the love that comes from complete honesty and another 3 year venture into lies.
I won’t go back.
Communication is the key to my happiness and I will not be a part of a relationship that forces me to hide who I am.