Angry feels better

I had something in the back of my head all day.

It felt kind of nagging but not awful.

I wasn’t totally in the mood when you asked to play… but I thought focusing on submitting would snap me out.

Somewhere in the middle of submitting, I felt like crap.  I kept it together.  I smiled and played.

Afterwards, I felt really crappy.  I tried to keep hiding it but that is dishonest.  Maybe I should have lied?

I told you I felt crappy.  It wasn’t related to you.  You hadn’t done anything.  I didn’t know why.  I wasn’t hiding anything.  I really didn’t know.  I needed some time to figure it out.

You responded angrily.

You asked again if I was hiding something.  I told you I wasn’t.  I felt close to tears.  You were angry.  I didn’t know why I felt bad.  I wasn’t hiding anything.  I really didn’t know.  I needed some time to figure it out.

I took some time.  I wrote and figured things out.

Then I got angry.  Angry feels better than sad.

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