I had something in the back of my head all day.
It felt kind of nagging but not awful.
I wasn’t totally in the mood when you asked to play… but I thought focusing on submitting would snap me out.
Somewhere in the middle of submitting, I felt like crap. I kept it together. I smiled and played.
Afterwards, I felt really crappy. I tried to keep hiding it but that is dishonest. Maybe I should have lied?
I told you I felt crappy. It wasn’t related to you. You hadn’t done anything. I didn’t know why. I wasn’t hiding anything. I really didn’t know. I needed some time to figure it out.
You responded angrily.
You asked again if I was hiding something. I told you I wasn’t. I felt close to tears. You were angry. I didn’t know why I felt bad. I wasn’t hiding anything. I really didn’t know. I needed some time to figure it out.
I took some time. I wrote and figured things out.
Then I got angry. Angry feels better than sad.