Freaking out is normal at this point. I have less than 5 days until I fly out. In all likelihood, I fuck him for the first time that day or that night.
When I am with someone, I have trouble saying no. I am naturally submissive and with that comes a need to please and be pleasing. I am terrified that I won’t be pleasing enough. I am afraid that I will put his wants above my needs and be unable to say when something feels scary, painful, or wrong.
I’m afraid there won’t be aftercare.. that I will have to fly home.. that I will feel dirty.. and lonely…
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