I would have known…

Tonight I watched 50 shades of grey and I did not see one moment of abuse.  The movie depicted a consenting relationship between a dominant and a new submissive.  Anastasia was given safe words, informed about the lifestyle, and asked to do research.  At no point did she safe word or tell Christian to stop.  I not only didn’t see abuse, I saw a sexy depiction of a power exchange.

(Those who have read the book may have more of a case that there is abuse depicted, but I am only discussing the movie at this time because the majority of the debate is centered around the recent movie release.)

Not only do I not see abuse, I believe that this movie decreases the risk for abuse by empowering submissive women.  If I had seen 50 shades of grey when I was growing up, I would have been at less risk for abuse.  I would have known what I was looking for.  I would have realized that dominance didn’t have to be angry.  I believe that the fear and anger that many in our community are expressing is related to a fear of the unknown.  Those same fears led to my own confusion and shame for over 10 years.

If I had known back then that there were safe words, contracts, and negotiation, I wouldn’t have dated guys with anger problems in a hopeless attempt that they would take the lead..

I would have known that a man can dominant me without making me feel small.

I am thankful that power exchanges are being discussed in a way that empowers women to do what makes them feel good without feeling ashamed.  Even if that includes ropes, whips, and begging…

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