Tonight I watched 50 shades of grey and I did not see one moment of abuse. The movie depicted a consenting relationship between a dominant and a new submissive. Anastasia was given safe words, informed about the lifestyle, and asked to do research. At no point did she safe word or tell Christian to stop. I not only didn’t see abuse, I saw a sexy depiction of a power exchange.
(Those who have read the book may have more of a case that there is abuse depicted, but I am only discussing the movie at this time because the majority of the debate is centered around the recent movie release.)
Not only do I not see abuse, I believe that this movie decreases the risk for abuse by empowering submissive women. If I had seen 50 shades of grey when I was growing up, I would have been at less risk for abuse. I would have known what I was looking for. I would have realized that dominance didn’t have to be angry. I believe that the fear and anger that many in our community are expressing is related to a fear of the unknown. Those same fears led to my own confusion and shame for over 10 years.
If I had known back then that there were safe words, contracts, and negotiation, I wouldn’t have dated guys with anger problems in a hopeless attempt that they would take the lead..
I would have known that a man can dominant me without making me feel small.
I am thankful that power exchanges are being discussed in a way that empowers women to do what makes them feel good without feeling ashamed. Even if that includes ropes, whips, and begging…