Date 2

There is so much to find out in this dating game.  I feel like a private investigator mixed with a horny school girl.  I ask questions and analyze each answer.  I feel like it would be so much easier if we fucked first and talked second.  I am not sure this whole “go slow” thing is really the way.  I am too nervous to think straight.  He hasn’t seen my scars, he hasn’t seen my body, he hasn’t heard my crazy fantasies, and he doesn’t know my history.

I wish I could give him control and see where he takes it.  Things would take on a much more comfortable pattern if he were controlling it all.

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3 thoughts on “Date 2

  1. I hope you don’t mind me leaving a bit of advice. You can take it or leave it, even delete it if you wish. I jumped in too soon on my first time with a Dom, though it was long distance and I felt pretty safe, I however wish I had learned more about him before I handed over any control. If I had taken the time to get to know more about him then I would have learned there were things which would have made any relationship more than just friendship basically impossible. But I didn’t and he didn’t and we were both hurt by the outcome when we finally understood we couldn’t take it any further. We did however at least have trust in place, but the rest just wasn’t there to make it anything more than just a long distance wanna be situation. My advice? Don’t rush. Take your time. Get to know him. Getting to know him is important for there could be compatibility issues that will send up red flags which you need to address or realize he isn’t the one. Also, you need to see if he is truly worthy of your submission. Your submission is something to be valued and not just something to fling out there hoping he will live up to your needs. In fact, it could lead into a very dangerous situation if he does not know enough about you or you do not yet trust him. I’ve done all of that in the past, and every time ended up in bad situations. I’m now taking my time, not rushing things. At times yes, I feel like I’m chomping at the bit wanting to just get in there and experience all those wonderful feelings a D/s relationship can give, but I keep telling myself if I don’t do this right then it will just be another disaster and I don’t want to have any more disasters.

    1. Kate-

      Thank you for the wonderful advice. I am hearing from a few people the importance of waiting\ going slow and I believe you.

      It is just so hard. I honestly don’t know how to read someone when we are moving this slowly. I am analyzing every small move he makes and second guessing myself constantly.

      I have been lucky enough to have made crazy (probably bad) choices in the past and it has turned out relatively well. I guess I just haven’t been burned enough to be scared.

      I can tell you that I will try.. really hard.. to take it slow but that is about all I can promise.

      Sarajules

    2. Trying your best is all anyone can do. May I suggest keeping this is mind. One of the things I felt has been most helpful to me is listening to what anyone has to say, remember it, and then gauge their actions. Does his actions match his words? Or contradict his words. Does he do what he says he will do? Is he considerate of you, your concerns, your feelings? Does he ask how you are doing and really want to know? Does he change the subject when discussing uncomfortable topics or does he only talk about himself? These are only some of the questions to ask yourself and to be aware of. I am sure there are a lot more. Don’t try to read something into his words or actions, take them at face value. If you think he means something else or a deeper meaning then ask. I’m so bad about reading things into what someone is telling me that this one is hard for me to remember to do but believe me it is one of the most important things to do in learning to communicate with someone. I come from a family who did not communicate. So for me, learning to communicate is difficult and not reading into someone’s actions or words is even harder because I didn’t have that input and had to guess what their actions and words were all about. Breaking old habits isn’t easy for me. I wish you luck. Hopefully he will see your need to understand him better and help you with that, if he doesn’t then try and tell him. Just do your best. That is all anyone can do. Second guessing yourself generally means you don’t trust yourself. I’m not saying that is the case with you but if it is, learn to trust yourself. Now, I want to say one more thing. I am no one to you other than someone who reads your blog and felt the need to pass on some advice. In passing on my advice I am not asking you to promise me anything. I do this only in hoping to help you and encourage you to make the right decisions for yourself. Only you will know what those right decisions are. Don’t try to do something for me or someone else but do it for yourself. If you do what is right for yourself, I think you will find that is all that matters. Those who care will recognize and support you in your efforts. Take care Sarajules and be good to yourself.

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