Loosing my virginity was like a race.  I didn’t want to loose it to some random guy but I wasn’t working to hold on.  I didn’t see virginity as a special gift but a hand grenade missing the plug.

These days, another virginity disappears every month.  My ass has been taken, I stripped for a man for the first time, I role played, and got paddled.  Unlike the first time when it felt like a race, each first is bitter sweet now.

I don’t love this man.  I like him.   He helps me to live my fantasy.  But will my future Dom find me less worthy now that I have been trained by another man?  Will he wish that he was the first to do those things?  Will I have baggage or high standards?

Will I wish that I had waited for someone I love?


3 thoughts on “virginity

  1. I read this a week ago and have been debating commenting. There are lots of things I could say, but free advice is generally worth what you pay for it.

    So I won’t presume to know you enough to offer advice. I will talk about how I choose to live my life.

    I agree with David. Life is far from perfect. (In my opinion mainly because “perfect” is a construct that comes from inside our heads only — it almost (by definition) doesn’t include ideas and thoughts from other people and from the world around us. Sometimes those thoughts are wonderful and lead us to happiness we didn’t even know existed.)

    But I digress…

    I live my life with the certainty of uncertainty. This is more than an ‘eat dessert first’ mentality. It is that each moment is precious and if you wait too long for your ideal moment, you may miss out on a lot of happiness and joy.

    It’s a choice. You have to choose to be happy, you have to work to embrace what’s in front of you. Like a lot of things: Simple to say, hard to do sometimes.

    You are free to reject what you have, you are free to wait. But for me, I don’t.

    I see endless possibilities in the future, but I don’t see guarantees.

    It sounds like you are not waiting. It sounds like you’re taking the happiness and joy you deserve. I, for one, applaud that.

  2. Life can’t always be perfect, and special moments can’t always be shared with the ones we want to share them with. Just be glad you got to have those moments in the first place.

    1. Thanks David! That really helped put things in perspective. I am grateful to have all these experiences and I should keep that at the front of my mind.

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