Another Email?

Recently, he asked a new question.  “Why would I want to be dominant?”, and I thought of Denying Thumper.  He had answered this question so well.  I just had to rephrase it for a male dominant and my situation.  THANK YOU THUMPER!!

I’ve been thinking a lot about this “why is it a good thing to have a submissive girl in your life” question.  Like it’s the same thing as asking “why is it a good thing to own a terrier” or “why is it a good thing to have DirectTV rather than cable?”

It may not be a good thing to have a submissive woman in your life. It may be that you’re fundamentally incompatible with someone who needs to submit to you. Maybe submission bothers you.  Maybe your concept of a female partner is a strong woman and nothing else will do for you. Or maybe you’re so weirded out by the idea of doing things outside the norm this could never work.

But let’s say that’s not “you” . Let’s say that you see all the other qualities in the submissive’s persona that makes them attractive. The way she tells a joke or absentmindedly pushes the hair out of her eyes or how she makes that funny little sound just before she sneezes. Whatever the weird alchemic magic is that makes one person want to be with another. If that’s you, then think of her submissive nature as a prize inside. And think of her exposure of that need to you, specifically, as an indicator that she feels you are worthy of her submission.

That’s a Big Fucking Deal.

And yes, there is a sexual element. Sure. She’s going to ask you to do things or approach sex in a way maybe no other girl has. It’s going to seem weird. But let me tell you a secret: every motherfucker on the planet is weird. There is no normal. There is only the question of whether the person you’re with lets you in on their weirdness or keeps it secreted away from anyone’s attention, maybe even their own. So, I’d say, one reason you want to be with this submissive girl is she’s already demonstrating some emotional awareness other women don’t. That doesn’t mean she’s perfect, but she’s got a leg up. She knows herself.

Practically, there are some perks for you. She’s going to show an incredible (sometimes obsessive) interest in your satisfaction. She’ll want to do things for you maybe nobody has before and she’ll want to be the best sex partner you ever had.  Honestly, she may only get annoyed with you when you fail to take advantage of her in the way she craves. But that’s not all without cost. Sometimes, it may seem overwhelming to have to worry about her fucking orgasms or to make sure she’s obeying all those rules she seems to care about more than you do (but are supposed to be your rules). Sometimes, it’s going to feel like a lot of extra work.

But what relationship isn’t work? What anything worth having isn’t work, at some level?

That’s not to say you should let her off the hook when it comes to holding up her side of the relationship. She needs to be fair in what she wants from you and respect your own needs and desires that don’t neatly fit into her worldview. And don’t imagine that it’ll be your job to satisfy all her sexual fantasies. That’s nobody’s job. She will need to mold her expectations as much around you as you need to adapt to her.

Assuming you can get all that together, you’re opening both of you up to a deep, romantic, satisfying, and fun relationship dynamic. And, really, regardless of your orientation or proclivities, isn’t that what we all want? So give the subbie a chance. Accept the gift. You might actually like it.

Adapted from: Denying Thumper’s Blog at


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