If you have been following the evolution of my idea, you probably know that my sweet vanilla boy was not very enthused by my talking about BDSM. As I read a little bit more in T’s blog, it came to me that using scary words like DOMINANCE and BDSM might be the problem. So I thought about ways to introduce my needs in a less scary way. I borrowed from T’s blog and adapted it to my wants. The thought is to give this to the sweet vanilla boyfriend and see what happens. Think it will work?
If you always found flirting fun, and if you’ve missed it since settling down, then perhaps teasing and denial is actually worth experimenting with. Not only do you get to flirt with your partner, you also get to have your cake and eat it; you get to flirt and have an orgasm while doing it.
It’s like the “sex games” you get in vanilla manuals – the classic Joy of Sex calls it “slow masturbation” – you are deliberately setting out to tease and deny her (at least for a little while). You’re calling the shots, and she’s quite possibly tied up. You tease and he pleads.
The problem with games is that they require time, energy, self confidence, and some skill. If your first response isn’t “That sounds fun,” then it’s probably a blend of “How the heck do I make that work?” and “It sounds like a lot of trouble”.
That’s fine. If you still like the idea of her being hot and ready whenever you would like, you can enjoy it in other less demanding ways.
The easiest is to introduce a rule: She doesn’t get to come unless you say so or perhaps doesn’t get to come at all, and no pleading (unless you like the idea). Now, if you like, you can make love “business as usual”, totally mutual and spontaneous, except that for that rule.
So, you’re making love with a woman who isn’t allowed to come… Might you be tempted to tease a little bit? A caress here, a taunt there? “Is that nice? What a shame you can’t orgasm…”
So, teasing and denial starts with something quite normal, vanilla flirting or occasional indifference to sexual needs, and uses rules and games to ramp it up into something more fun.
- Edging (arnoldzwicky.wordpress.com)