I found some wonderful journal prompts on a blog recently. The question that intrigued me the most today was, “Make a list of your sexual partners and write a few phrases to describe the relationship. What patterns do you see?”
As I mentioned in my post numbers, I have limited my number of sexual partners by an arbitrary standard I set years ago. For that reason, I have been in a relationship with all of my partners except two. I separated them into the pattern I saw:
- The beautiful eyes- My biggest life lesson came with the most beautiful eyes. I was coming out of a long relationship. and was determined to enjoy everything again. There were lots of drugs, and parties. This guy was angry, unable to communicate, and irresponsible.
- The dealer- My roommate’s drug dealer probably wasn’t the best choice but I was done holding back. He was an angry guy who seemed ready to explode at the drop of a hat. He was irresponsible and unable to communicate.
- The first love- A hippy in all of the best ways and the worst. He was open to free love but also wanted to live in the trees. He was kind but wanted to control my mind and heart. He was willing to dominate in bed.
- The dominant- Honestly, I quickly realized that we wouldn’t work in a relationship. He was far too controlling of my every move but it was so nice to have someone else in control. He was sweet and romantic sometimes but also wonderfully dominant.
- The foreign man- We didn’t even speak the same language but you can only go so long without sex in a foreign country. I met him at a club and we started dating. We obviously didn’t communicate well and I wasn’t entirely surprised when I found out he was a drug dealer.
- The artist- A sensitive and caring guy. He was extremely organized and thoughtful. He amazed me with how little he wanted to talk or have sex. I guess he saw in pictures and I felt in words.
- The man I wondered about- We had so much sexual tension, everyone made comments about how great our sex life would be. I couldn’t help but find out. It was a horribly boring sexual experience that lasted for ever. We never spoke before, during, or afterwards and don’t speak to this day.
The pattern I found was, I dated a sweet guy for a few years that satisfied none of my true desires to be dominated and then a dominate man who was either to controlling or aggressive. When the dominant man scared me, I ran back to someone safe who couldn’t please me.
What an interesting question. If only I knew where it came from so I could offer my thanks. THANKS to whoever asked!!
- More Sex Partners Linked to Higher Risk of Drug Addiction, Alcoholism (healthland.time.com)
- Drug dealer (100drinkinggames.wordpress.com)
- What is Your Attachment Style: Anxious, Avoidant, or Secure? (drlauraberman.com)